


Resolve

by mdelpin



Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Character Study, Hope, M/M, People Change People, Self-Reflection, Shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 15:56:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20838155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdelpin/pseuds/mdelpin
Summary: Every time he noticed the way Haruki’s eyes softened when he looked at him or how his entire body shivered when Akihiko played with his hair, it was the greatest high in the world. Better than any drug he’d ever tried, and even though he wasn’t sure what it meant, it didn’t stop him from wanting to feel it whenever he could. To imagine that he could somehow be the man Haruki seemed to see.





	Resolve

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying to get a handle on the characters before I attempt writing any substantial fics, so this is more of a trying to get into Akihiko's mind than anything else. I hope it's enjoyable nonetheless.

Disclaimer: All Given characters belong to Natsuki Kizu

Akihiko listened to the loud snores of the man who’s bed he found himself in. He’d already given up on sleeping, the grating noise making it impossible. More than anything, he wanted to smoke a cigarette, but he didn’t want to risk waking… what had been the guy’s name? 

He couldn’t remember, he’d already been pretty drunk when they’d met. The sex had been adequate, but in all honesty, he would have left as soon as it was over if the guy hadn’t fallen asleep before paying him. He hated sticking around after, it was humiliating. 

Still, for once it wasn’t so bad, he’d needed a place to crash anyway. Going home was not an option at the moment, and as much as he’d rather go to Haruki’s place, he knew it would be wrong of him to do so. Akihiko was finding himself becoming more and more dependent on his friend, and it wasn’t fair to him. 

Not when he knew how Haruki felt about him, and certainly not when he wasn’t sure whether he returned those feelings. 

Being with Haruki was addictive. He was the only one who saw Akihiko as someone worthwhile, even though Akihiko knew it to be far from the truth. 

Every time he noticed the way Haruki’s eyes softened when he looked at him or how his entire body shivered when Akihiko played with his hair, it was the greatest high in the world. Better than any drug he’d ever tried, and even though he wasn’t sure what it meant, it didn’t stop him from wanting to feel it whenever he could. To imagine that he could somehow be the man Haruki seemed to see. 

_When had everything become so complicated? _

Once, Akihiho had been someone who had potential. His family had been whole, and he’d been riding high on his second-place win at an international violin competition. But that had all changed the day he’d met Ugetsu Murata, the first place winner who had transferred to his high school. 

Listening to Ugetsu play had driven home to Akihiko that his own ability was minuscule in comparison. Ugetsu had natural talent, his playing hauntingly beautiful, just as the boy himself. 

Akihiko suddenly found himself both infatuated by the musician and disappointed in himself. He quickly understood that no matter how much he practiced, his violin playing would never move people in the same way, he would always be in Ugetsu’s shadow and that certainty tainted his love for the violin. So he dropped it and set about learning other instruments instead. 

Then his parents had broken up and left him behind without even a way to contact them and all of a sudden he was on his own, having to find ways to earn money to pay for school and everything else. 

Ugetsu had come to his rescue, letting him live in his basement for free. And while he had taken advantage of the gesture, it had also placed him in a slightly uncomfortable situation. 

Now that he thought about it, though, Ugetsu was no different than this man… what the hell was his name? 

It was really bugging him that he couldn’t remember. It made his stomach churn with an agitation he couldn’t remember feeling before. 

Yes, Ugetsu had been his boyfriend once, but now they treaded a nebulous line that had no name. And although he wasn’t required to pay rent, sometimes it felt like he was repaying the favor with his body. 

He and Ugetsu would fall into old habits, and just when he thought maybe they were finding their way back to each other, Ugetsu would show up with a new boyfriend in tow. 

And every single time Akihiko would find himself feeling the same pain. He was tired of it, though. He wanted it to stop, but he didn’t know how to go about it. He felt like he was caught in an endless cycle 

Akihiko stayed on, even when he knew he shouldn’t. So he drank too much, went home with strangers, fulfilling their desires in exchange for money as he tried hard not to think of what Haruki would think of him if he ever found out. Would his eyes still be soft, or would they harden with disgust? 

He had still enjoyed music, but sometimes it had felt like he did it more for the routine of it than any real passion. Haruki had been the one to change that when he asked him to join his band. He’d somehow managed to make music fun again, and slowly Akihiko had managed to rekindle his love for music. And that, in turn, had slowly begun to work away at his apathy. 

Akihiko couldn’t get Haruki out of his mind, it was almost like an itch he couldn’t scratch. Haruki, who was always so happy to see him. With his warm eyes and long beautiful honey-colored hair that was so soft to the touch. How Akihiko loved to run his fingers through it! 

And as he visualized Haruki’s kind smile and shy blushes that he though he hid so well, Akihiko was gripped with a certainty. He desperately wanted to be worthy of Haruki. 

God, he wanted a cigarette. 

He looked down at his naked body with disgust, realizing he needed to figure out who he wanted to be. For his own sake. 

One thing was clear, he had to stop doing this. He promised himself tonight would be the last night, and although he had no idea how he was going to make up for the missed income, he would find a way. He needed to get his life back together, to get himself away from Ugetsu and all the things that tied them together. 

Akihiko rose from the bed silently, gathering his clothes in the dark and dressing as quickly as possible. He managed to see an envelope addressed to the man on the kitchen counter on his way out. 

Satoshi, his name was Satoshi. 

Akihiko closed the door quietly behind him, breathing easier from the knowledge. The sun was beginning to rise, signaling the beginning of a new day, and Akihiko welcomed it. 

He got on his motorbike, putting on his helmet and jacket before hurrying to his destination. Once there, he stopped for a moment to admire the sunrise before running up the stairs to Haruki’s apartment. Now that he had made up his mind, he needed to see him. 

He knocked on the door impatiently until Haruki came out dressed only in a pair of jeans. His hair was disheveled, his expression confused at seeing Akihiko outside his door so early in the morning. 

Akihiko thought he’d never seen him look more beautiful. 

“Kaji-san, what are you doing here so early?” Haruki asked, covering his yawn with his hand, even as he studied Akihiko for any clue as to why he was there. He moved out of the way and let him into his apartment. 

Akihiko grabbed Haruki by the arm and gently nudged him towards his balcony, “I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to have a smoke.” 

Haruki scolded him for his foolishness but allowed himself to be led just the same. Akihiko lit two cigarettes, passing one to Haruki who accepted it without comment. They watched the sunrise together in silence, both men instantly relaxed in the other’s presence. 

Akihiko would have to come up with some excuse for his presence later, but he didn’t let it concern him now. He was glad he’d come. 

He knew he wasn’t worthy of this man yet, but Akihiko was now determined that someday soon he would be. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: It seems so strange to be writing for another fandom but I really love this manga/show so much!


End file.
